Greetings, citizens. I have a bit of... concerning Bat-news to impart to you all this morning.
We at vynsane.com have been the target of multiple terrorist spam assaults over the past week. The Moderator Terror Squad did not wish to... frighten anyone... however, it is best we all be on... Bat-alert so as to present a unified front. The perpetrators of these attacks are... unknown... but we suspect either Al Qaeda or Action Online. This is obviously a... ruse that they are employing so as to distract us from an impending attempt to rob the Gotham National Bank.
Grimlock has gone deep... undercover so as to root out the bad guys. We have lost contact with him, perhaps because even a turban and fake beard cannot hide the fact that he is a thirty-foot-tall robotic... Tyrannosaurus Rex. Hopefully, he will return to us soon. I do not wish to lose him to evil the way we lost Richard Simmons. Receiving those bloody gym shorts in the mail saddened Robin so much that he had to sleep with them every evening for a month, and he had... nightmares in which he dry-humped the shorts while humming "YMCA."
Effective immediately, the Moderator Terror Squad is employing... drastic Bat-measures. Dr. Doom will be temporarily handing over... control to those more experienced in counter-terrorism. Your new temporary masters will be Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin, Ben Reilly, and Bizzaro the Grip. I understand the Patriot Act will apply here, and something called "enhanced interrogation" is expected to be used extensively, which, I suspect, means we will all be permitted to surf freely. Hang Bat-ten.