‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Moderators: Batman, Zero, John Madden, Bob Ross, General Zod, Richard Simmons

User avatar
Newsbot
Official anchor of the vynsane 5 o'clock news
Posts: 941
Joined: Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:10 pm
Location: www.vynsane.com
Contact:

‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby Newsbot » Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:13 pm

It didn't happen overnight, but residents of Plattsmouth, Nebraska have finally outsmarted a deceptive, wayward bovine known as the "Ninja Cow."

"It sounded like hoofs on the pavement, and by the time I could focus on it, all I could see was the rear end of whatever it was," local computer programmer Kevin Moon told the Wall Street Journal.

Wayward livestock can pose serious threats to human and other animals. Even a small deer can destroy a car, seriously injuring the occupants in a collision. Still, for months, the Ninja Cow eluded police and locals, making late night appearances on private lawns, leaving behind only cowpies as evidence of its existence.

The effort to bring in, or even bring down, the Ninja Cow was not lacking. Police and local experts tried just about everything from luring the cow with biscuits and gravy to capturing her on an infrared camera. They played cow sounds on a laptop. But every attempt failed. Pretty much the only thing they didn't try was recreating the cow costume from Top Secret.

And the more adept Ninja Cow became at eluding capture, the more her story captured the hearts and minds of Plattsmouth residents, spawning several Facebook fan pages and talk of an annual Ninja Cow Day celebration.

Local Police Chief Steve Rathman refused to bring his gun to bear on the animal. "This isn't something they teach at the police academy," he said.

The town even brought in a contractor, 55-year-old Terry Grell, to capture the beast. "If you're interested in getting this cow caught, you can give me a call," Grell said. "But that answering machine was probably full of people that thought they could catch it."

Eventually, Animal Control Officer Sue Baker hired ranching partners John and Jessica Vallery to do the job. A local tipster called in to say that while Ninja Cow was still on the loose; they had discovered her newborn calf. Using the baby as bait, the Vallerys were able to temporarily capture the Ninja Cow, but she broke out of her cage, dragging parts of the 12-foot fence with her.

That was the final straw for Chief Rathman, who gave the kill order to take down Ninja Cow. "I didn't take the action lightly," he said.

Thankfully, it never came to violence. A pair of "real old-school cowboys" eventually brought Ninja Cow to justice, where she is adjusting to her newly domesticated life. "I wouldn't say she was wild, but she was really smart," said Neil Johnson, who helped bring Ninja Cow in. "The first few days she was throwing herself at the fence. Now, she eats right out of my hand."

Yes, you read correctly. A cow outsmarted an entire town in Nebraska for six months. Depressing, isn't it?
Putting the broad back into broadcasting.

User avatar
Rollo Tomassi
I HAVE THE POWER!!!
Posts: 3000
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: In a Long Box, bagged and boarded

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby Rollo Tomassi » Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:02 pm

'Twas the love child of The Cow and Orbsah. 'twas.
"Say Jim! Whoo! That is a bad outfit! Whoooo!" -- Pimp, Superman The Movie
"You're an idiot, Starscream." -- Megatron, Transformers:The Movie

User avatar
Ninja Cow
bacon
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:43 pm

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby Ninja Cow » Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:47 pm

I am the night.
moo

User avatar
Stormshadow
bacon
Posts: 48
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:24 am
Location: Getting Snake-Eyes' Sloppy Seconds
Contact:

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby Stormshadow » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:08 pm

You are already a more convincing Ninja than certain Marcel Marceau's who shall remain nameless.

*coughNATEcough*

Welcome to the forums.

User avatar
Swedish Chef
bacon
Posts: 64
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:00 pm
Location: In Der Kitchen Bork Bork!

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby Swedish Chef » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:14 pm

Dis pläce êrm tûrning into dur Zöö.
Um ræl fûûking Zöö!!!
"Bork bork bork!!"

User avatar
CyrusFan96
bacon
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2009 1:09 pm
Location: marrying zac efron, he's so dreamy lol

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby CyrusFan96 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:18 pm

a fucking zoo? a real fucking zoo?

show me the way to the donkey cage, lol!!

User avatar
The Cow
bacon
Posts: 59
Joined: Sat Aug 19, 2006 8:43 pm
Location: Eating grass
Contact:

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby The Cow » Sun Jan 01, 2012 2:25 pm

MOOOOOOOOO!!

User avatar
Zaphod
knightrider
Posts: 298
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 1:56 pm
Location: CHESTER A. ARTHUR'S WIFE'S VAGINA... WITH THE VINEGAR, BABY!

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby Zaphod » Tue May 08, 2012 2:21 pm

i found him!

Image

unlimitedpudding
sloth
Posts: 200
Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2008 8:32 pm

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby unlimitedpudding » Sun May 13, 2012 6:45 pm

I remember taking that picture of you with that cow. the smile was on your face for days afterward.

User avatar
Jargo
christopher walken
Posts: 912
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:45 am
Location: Caitlin Jenner's discarded ballsack
Contact:

Re: ‘Ninja Cow’ beguiles Nebraska town

Postby Jargo » Wed May 16, 2012 11:07 am

I have nothing to add. Pray continue.
I have never read any of your posts, but from what I can learn I should say that for people who like the kind of posts you deliver, they are just the kind of posts such people like.
Whatevah!
Osculum mihi asinum!


Return to “announcements”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest