I'm not gonna knock anybody for staring at boobs. I stare at girls' boobs all the time, be it in person or when I'm Photoshopping naked pictures of Patricia Heaton.
There is definitely something profound and mystical about 2 jiggly sacs of chestal tissue.
The only thing that bothers me about boob-staring is when guys boldly and blatantly do it to me whilst in mid-eye contact.
Like, some guy will ask for directions or something, and I'm telling him, "Oh you make a left on Main Street, and then you make a right onto Green Street..." and all the while, the guy is giving feedback like, "Mhmm, yeah, okay, mhmm...." and then as our eyes are looking at eachother, he looks down and does a quick peek at my tits. And mind you, my boobs are not enormous and I am not wearing a tight low-cut shirt or anything. My cleavage isn't up to my chin. I know that doesn't really make a difference and guys will look at boobs no matter what. It's just that I don't get it. I mean, I do get it, but at the same time I don't.
And it's like, buddy, couldn't you wait like 10 more seconds til our communication ended? I know that boob-staring is a top priority of yours, as it is mine, but can't it wait? Couldn't you wait til I was no longer making direct eye contact you? Or do you want me to catch you? Do you want me to be like, "Oh hey honey, I couldn't help but notice how you're staring at my breasts. Let's go make a baby so you can have someone to enjoy my boobs with."
When I want to stare at a girl's boobs, I wait for the appropriate time. Sometimes when I'm talking to a girl, I really want to look down, but my brain tells me, "BumCake, DO NOT do it. DO NOT look now. Wait. Just wait. Now is not the right time. She'll notice if you look now and then she'll cover them up." Cause that's what I do when I notice someone looking at them. I turn away and I cover my babies up.
But is the impulse to stare at boobs stronger than reason? The answer must be yes, but why? Boobs are magical, yes, but isn't the prospect for future boobage even more desirable?
Goddammit, I wish guys had something girls could stare at, you know, other than a wallet. Testicles are fine and dandy, but I wouldn't want to stare at them all day like I do boobs.
All I'm saying is that I don't care if you stare at my boobs, just don't fucking let me catch you doing it. I don't wanna see it. I know that guys & girls look at boobs, but I don't want to see you doing it.
So far, this week, I've caught 2 guys staring at my boobs in mid-conversation. And today is only Tuesday.
I mean, boobs are like nothing else in this world, but do you really have to stare at them while you are engaged in person-to-person information exchange with a girl? Just do what everybody else does and wait til you're done talking with the female and then when she's not looking, take a mental photograph of her boobs. And then with crayons and colored construction paper, draw a picture from memory of her boobs. Then when you're finished shading and doing the detail of the nipples, take your drawing and add it to the rudimentary photo album of tits that you have under your bathroom sink. Then, the next time you take a shower, you can take out your photo album, jerk off to it, and then cry in the shower like the rest of us.