Yeah, I said it.
I loathe dogs.
Okay, I can live with some well-behaved dogs, in small doses. But most dogs are like babies: they shit, piss, puke, and make a ton of noise. Difference? Babies grow out of it. Dogs keep shitting wherever the fuck they please. And most owners don't give a flying fuck about cleaning up after them. Visit a lot of dog owners, and you'll be told that everything is "no big deal," whether it's a dumb fucking mutt jumping in your lap at the dinner table to try and steal your food, or your kid stepping in dog shit in the living room. The fucking beasts jump all over you, and, if you try not to get stinky hair and slobber and dirty fucking paw prints all over yourself, you're told that they're just being friendly.
In California particularly, every fucking retard with a dog takes it everywhere. I do not want your half-wit monster walking around the store where I buy food because you're a moron and the minimum wage lackeys don't want to confront you and tell you to get the fuck out.
What really pisses me off are people who get dogs--living creatures who need room, whether I like them or not--and keep them in a tiny kennel all fucking day because they know they'll shit on the floor. Seriously, fuckers, if you're going to keep a dog in a cage, why not bring the Nazi Party back into power in Germany and check your own ass into a concentration camp?
You know what I do whenever possible? I lie and tell people I'm allergic. No shit. Of course, I've had dipshits tell me their dog is non-allergenic, and haven't come up with a response for that one yet because it took true depths of stupid to come up with it.
I've probably pissed you all off. Eh, cats are better. The individual stealth hunter has to be smarter than the pack hunter who triumphs by brute force. Fuck dogs.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!