I wasn't going to go, but my son was in town for the weekend and his mother uncharacteristically let him spend the night instead of doing Easter stuff with her family.
So we got up this morning and went to the cheap early bird showing.
It was torture. It wasn't even like a campy bad movie like the new TMNT movie. It was just pretentious, overly long, and dull. Dull Dull Dull. The plotting and pacing just crawl along with endless unnecessary slow motion shots for no reason. Lex walking down a hallway. Bruce walking across a field to his parents mausoleum. It never tightened up. At one point Batman is in a "car chase" in the Batmobile and I was just thinking, my god this is the most fucking boring car chase I have ever seen.
The characters and their motivations were either one dimensional, or inexplicable, or both. You never get a decent explanation why Lex hates Superman, other than the fact he's Lex Luthor and therefore it's implied he hates Superman. Also, they pretty much just hung the name Lex on a generic rich billionaire character wh thinks they're above the law. My girlfriend said she like Eisenberg's character and thought he was interesting, but he wasn't a Lex Luthor. I personally thought he was meh and it was just a variation on every Eisenberg's performance. Didn't hate it, but...meh.
The wheelchair guy...yeah he hates Superman, but why the animosity against Bruce? And it doesn't matter because they never do anything with that and then it doesn't matter.
They beat you over the head with why Batman hates Supeman, right up until the point where he suddenly stops hating Superman and they become besties. Wonder Woman has no motivation and no purpose in the film other than to be Wonder Woman.
I feel bad for Cavill because he was given the least amount to work with. I feel like every part of his character was just listening to other people give him motivational speeches about being Superman (Lois, Martha, his dad's ghost etc) and him just kinda nodding and grunting agreement.
The movie spent time asking all these questions about its characters, but not having the intelligence to answer any of them. Clark has issues with Batman's vigilantism. Bruce has issues with powerful unchecked aliens in our midst. But it doesn't do a damn thing to resolve them. Probably because it can't take sides against either of its "protagonists". Just when you think Superman is gonna get to give a speech about truth, justice, etc the movie takes that away.
And this isn't even including the dozens of minor nitpicks with the film that infuriated me. Batman is the world's shittiest detective(White Portuguese). Supposedly Superman had to kill Zod in the last film, so that he would know what killing was and be repulsed by it. That was their whole argument 4 years ago right? So, the first thing he does in this movie is kill a guy by slamming him through half a dozen walls at super speed. The Batman killing is so infuriating that I'm numb to it because at this point I despise the film for dozens of other reasons. I detested the fight choreography of any scene where Batman is fighting multiple guys. It's just awful. The guys are literally standing around waiting their turn to get punched. They try to cover it in with flashy editing, but it was just laughable. And it happened more than once.
There's a distinct lack of superheroing in the film. Batman isn't really Batman in the film at all, except in the third act. Superman is in it about just as much, but it's a lot of passive shots of him after he's done some bit of heroing business, not actually seen doing the heroics. And there was no humor in it. The audience I watched it with laughed once. ONCE. And I think that was more because they hadnt laughed yet, so when a mediocre line was delivered near the end of the film, they all kinda realized it was now or never, and forced themselves to laugh at an unearned joke.
By the time the epic finale happened, I just didn't give a shit. Nobody anywhere believes that ending is gonna stick, so gouging the audience for another twenty minutes of melodramatic wrap up bullshit was totally unnecessary filler. The movie was just a tedious, dour chore of a film, devoid of any kind of fun or wonder. I am depressed that we will never get a proper DC film in my lifetime.
Usually, I'm all about avoiding spoilers, but the film is a drag and I doubt most of you are gonna waste the energy to see it. I look forward to discussing the many foibles of this trainwreck with you. I pointed out to my daughter (and thoroughly depressed her with this notion) that kids don't read comics anymore, so for an entire generation of kids, THIS is going to be their exposure to DC's "superheroes". And that's just a fucking travesty.
"No Tom Foolery today, Ron. I'm tired of looking at your dreadful, speckled mug.""Why do you hurt me in this way, Harry?"”It’s a grid system motherfucker. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch.”